I’ve been sitting with Ayahuasca for several years now, and when new friends hear this, they always ask the same question:

“What was one of the most transformational moments you’ve ever experienced?”
That answer is easy. It was a moment so potent on every level—physical, emotional, energetic, spiritual, and yes, even from that out-of-this-world psychedelic vision lens.

It happened in a very unique ceremony where the theme was sexuality.
Now, if you’ve never been in a suggestive or expanded state, you need to know how delicately this topic must be approached. Thankfully, our teacher Kai Karrel is a master at holding sensitive space.

He began by introducing the idea of sexual innocence. Then he gave us a prompt.
“I’m going to ask a question,” he said. “I want you to go within and see what comes up. Just sit with it. I’ll play some music.”

Then he paused.
“When did you first experience the loss of sexual innocence?”

The room groaned.
Not just the people.
The room.

It wasn’t only the emotions being stirred by people uncovering parts of their psyche that had been asleep for decades—it was the entire space. It was charged. In the snap of a finger, I was pulled into a portal. My ears and attention that were picking up on the room turned within... Suddenly, on the movie screen of my inner vision—clear as day—was the face of the man who took my innocence from me as a young girl.

I’ve revisited this experience many times in my life.
I’ve processed it with friends, even family.
I thought I had healed this. I thought there was nothing more to uncover.
But no—Ayahuasca had a different opinion.
She brought this man’s face right to mine.

It felt like when Dorothy and the gang finally meet the Wizard in the Emerald City—that giant, looming face, terrifying and inescapable.

My internal eyes opened wide. I was in total shock.
There he was. I gazed at him with my whole being. 
And just like that—my system transmuted whatever residue of him had still been living in my body.
It was like a vacuum.
He was pulled out of me… and returned to God.
The entire thing lasted about five seconds.
I’m not exaggerating.

If you’re reading this thinking,
“Transmuted? What does that even mean? This sounds like some weird magic…”
Well… yeah.
It kind of is.

There are lots of ways to define transmutation, but in this case, I’d call it a sacred energetic act—turning pain or suffering into understanding and release. Since then, I’ve become more aware of how to actively transmute energy. That particular moment happened spontaneously, with the help of Grandmother and possibly other spirits guiding the process. But it showed me what’s possible.

We’re all capable of this.
It just takes presence.
And for me, it left a lasting imprint.

I've taken this practice into my daily life as mother. Intrusive thoughts are unfortunately part of the territory and remembering that I have the power and choice to transmute these scary thoughts brings me peace. It's empowering to know I can be an active participant in my healing each and every day. This is where the real work is — in our life outside of ceremony. This has been one of my greatest allies and integration tools.

Ayahuasca isn’t going to solve your problems just by drinking her.
Sometimes trauma has to be revisited over and over again from different angles.
And other times—“seeing is freeing.”
And that’s that.

For me, a piece of that story healed in that ceremony.
And other pieces continue to heal in other ways.

But I can say this: the medicine, along with the right set and setting, allowed me to drop into a deeply painful place, confront it, and move it out of my field. Profound healing can happen anywhere—in the jungles of Peru or in your own bed doing breathwork. But for me, and for how my nervous system works, I need a protected space. A grounded teacher. A safe container.

That one experience is one of the core reasons why I call Celestial Heart my home—my church—my main place of learning and growth.
Safety and trust aren’t just concepts. They’re embodied.

And after 4.5 years, I can say with clarity: my teachers have created something truly special.

A place where real healing happens.

With love,
~ Sara